Writing Challenge - Day 7

Chapter 3 - Out of Place

The first day never felt so long. The rush of entering the classroom, the moment of sitting down, had only been the beginning. The rest of the class seemed to stretch on, pulling her into its rhythm, its strange, unknowable current. Every moment felt like it was happening a bit too fast and a bit too slow all at once.

Time seemed to move in waves—distant and close at the same time, a bizarre kind of limbo.

She had made it through the lecture, but that didn’t mean she was okay. It was easy to fake it in the beginning. She nodded when the professor asked a question, smiled at the right moments, scribbled down a few notes as if she was part of the conversation. Though she was sure that all her thoughts showed on her face. How utterly clueless she was throughout the class as the professor spoke. It seemed like things everyone else knew, and she was an outsider looking in. Her mind was blank. Her thoughts only focused on trying to retain his words.

The faces of her classmates were an ocean of unfamiliarity, each one a new puzzle piece she couldn’t quite fit into. Everyone seemed to be in their own world, already at ease, already part of the rhythm of the class.

The guy next to her, the one with black hair and glasses, typed furiously on his laptop, his eyes fixed on the screen. His screen split in two. One on a video of a popular video game she's sure she's seen before, and the other showing the program introduced during class. She glanced at him once but quickly looked away when he caught her staring. She felt her cheeks flush with heat. Was he judging her? She had no idea. Did it even matter?

She shifted in her seat, trying to find a more comfortable position, but it only made things worse. The chair was comfortable, but she feared becoming too comfortable. She leaned back in it, and soon became scared of falling back when there didn't seem to be a limit to how far her chair would allow her to sit.

When the lecture finally ended, she almost didn’t want to leave. The moment she stood, the walls felt a little too close. There was a surge of activity as the students packed up, gathering their bags, zipping up their laptops, and filing out. She remained seated for a second longer, hoping to give herself a moment to breathe, to process.

She wasn’t sure why, but she felt like an outsider looking in. Maybe everyone else already had friends, already knew how the whole college thing worked. They had found their places in the world, and here she was, still floating, still searching for something solid to hold onto. It was overwhelming—this whole new world of people who seemed so sure of themselves, while she was still fumbling with her own sense of purpose.

The hallway outside felt colder than she expected. It smelled like cleaning supplies again, that sharp, sterile scent that made everything feel like it was still under construction. She walked slowly, trying to put some distance between herself and the sea of students, trying to let the quiet of the hallway offer a moment of respite.

She gripped her bag tighter, wishing she could pull herself together like she did in her head when she imagined how things would go. She’d thought it would be different. She’d thought she would walk in with a little more confidence, a little more ease, as if the world was already hers to take. But it wasn’t. Not yet.

She sat in her car, head on the steering wheel. She closed her eyes, just breathing, reminding herself that it was okay to feel lost, to feel unsure. It wasn’t going to be easy. She knew that. But maybe—just maybe—it would get easier.

One day.

xoxo, @auroxisia_

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